bdsm slave training image

BDSM Slave Training Minicourse

Mistress Sophia: Physical Dominance And Submission


If you’re the one that wants to be the dominant one in a BDSM relationship, you have a number of things to figure out before you head to the dungeon.  Knowing that BDSM is a consensual activity, you must realize that each partner in the scene or the relationship needs to consider what they want from a particular session.  This will help the both of you relax and sink into the sensations that are happening, while also keeping you both safe – physically and emotionally.


When you’re first negotiating a scene, you will want to sit down outside of the play area and start to figure out what you both want.  If you’re really prepared as a dominant, you might have a list of questions that you want to ask the submissive as you begin to plan.  If not, you can both simply make out lists of what you want to experience as well as things that you simply cannot stand or do not want to do.  These lists are going to vary from couple to couple as well as scene to scene in some cases.  But they will serve as the ‘contract’ that you make with each other as you agree to BDSM play.


Another way to begin to set limits is to share the fantasies that you have and try to plan them out for each other.  This might mean that you both tell your fantasies to the other, then you ask each other questions about the fantasy and clarify what they want and what you want to add or take away.


But why set limits at all?  Isn’t the point of giving control over to someone else giving all of your free will to Him or Her?


In a word, no.  When you agree to a dominant/submissive scene or relationship, you will both still have limitations in terms of what you want.  For example, some submissives or dominants may have physical conditions that limit certain actions or there may be a past event that occurred and has caused the submissive to not enjoy a certain activity.


And legally speaking, you can’t do anything to anyone without their implicit consent.


Limits allow the BDSM scene to:


  • Be safe – When you agree on certain things that will and will not be done, you create a place where both partners can enjoy the activities without worry about hurting themselves or someone else.  Safety includes both physical and emotional needs.  For example, the submissive has a better understanding of their ability to tolerate physical pain than a dominant does, so setting limits will allow them to manage the experience.
  • Be relaxed – Instead of focusing on the feelings of the other person during the scene or worrying about what will happen next, both partners will know what they can expect and then can prepare themselves for those activities.
  • Create trust – By setting up limits for a BDSM scene, you will begin to forge trust in each other.  The submissive will be able to trust that the dominant is watching out for their limitations, while the dominant will be able to trust that the submissive will let them know if something is painful or upsetting.


Another way to make sure that you’re not crossing any limitations is to institute a safe word that the submissive can use when things are getting too intense.


Creating limits doesn’t mean that you’re limiting the sensations or the fun that you will have in a BDSM fantasy.  It simply allows both partners to have a say in what’s going to happen and what will not.  As you get to know each other better, you can adjust these limits and increase your activities.  But starting out slowly is much better advice.




I hope you enjoyed the Dominance and submission article.  Keep your eyes peeled for the next edition which will arrive in a couple of days!

In the mean time, take a moment to read about how The BDSM Slave Training Guide can teach you the best kept secrets of slave training (using O/our step-by-step instructional manual, pictures, and diagrams). To learn more about BDSM How To and take your kinky life to new heights!


Mistress Sophia 

Head Instructor -

P.S.  If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail your friends and let them know about it.  Thanks!    

Copyright 2008 By
reading and accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice).  You are responsible for any use of the information in this article, and hold and all members and affiliates harmless in any claim or event.